What Healthy Sponsorship Looks Like

A healthy sponsorship relationship is built on mutual respect, clear boundaries, and a shared focus on recovery principles. The sponsor's role is to share their experience, strength, and hope while guiding the sponsee through the steps of the program.

It's important to understand both what a sponsor should do and what falls outside the scope of healthy sponsorship.

What a Healthy Sponsor Does

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Shares their own experience
They speak from their personal journey rather than giving directives about how you should live your life.
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Guides through the steps
They help you work through the 12 steps at a pace that works for you, explaining the principles and traditions.
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Respects your autonomy
They understand that you are an adult capable of making your own decisions about your life, relationships, and recovery.
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Maintains appropriate boundaries
They keep the relationship focused on recovery and don't try to control other aspects of your life.
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Encourages diverse connections
They want you to build relationships throughout the fellowship, not just depend on them alone.
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Supports professional help when needed
They recognize the limits of their role and encourage therapy, medical care, or other professional support when appropriate.
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Practices what they preach
They demonstrate recovery principles in their own life and are working their own program.

What a Sponsor Should NOT Do

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Make decisions for you
They should not tell you who to date, where to work, or how to manage your finances.
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Demand obedience or compliance
The sponsorship relationship should be collaborative, not authoritarian.
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Use shame or fear as tools
Manipulation through guilt, shame, or threats of relapse is not healthy guidance.
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Isolate you from others
A healthy sponsor wants you to have many sources of support, not just them.
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Replace professional help
Sponsors are not therapists, doctors, or counselors. They should not discourage professional care.
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Request financial involvement
They should not ask for money, business partnerships, or financial favors.

Sponsor vs. Therapist/Counselor

It's essential to understand that a sponsor is not a mental health professional. While both can provide valuable support, their roles are different:

Sponsor

• Shares personal recovery experience
• Guides through the 12 steps
• Peer support from a fellow member
• Focus on program principles
• No professional training required

Therapist/Counselor

• Professional clinical training
• Can diagnose and treat conditions
• Addresses underlying mental health
• Uses evidence-based techniques
• Bound by professional ethics codes

Many people benefit from both a sponsor and a therapist. These relationships can complement each other when boundaries are clear.

Healthy Boundaries

Clear boundaries protect both the sponsor and sponsee. In a healthy relationship:

Time: Contact is at mutually agreed times, with respect for each person's schedule and commitments.

Topics: Discussions focus primarily on recovery, the steps, and related program principles.

Advice: Suggestions are offered, not demanded. You can take what works and leave the rest.

Privacy: What you share is kept confidential unless there's a safety concern.

Want to Evaluate Your Sponsorship?

Use our interactive checklist to reflect on your current sponsorship relationship.

Take the Checklist